Leapfrog over this Elephant in the Room

One morning, I was watching Breakfast TV as I was waking up. A well informed man was speaking about young men and boys being influenced by the Internet into misogyny. He identified the social media companies as “the elephant in the room”, and was looking for ways to bypass them. He came up with the wonderful mixed metaphor, “We must leapfrog over this elephant in the room”. The challenge of leapfrogging over an elephant is bad enough, but to do so in a room carries the risk of banging your head against the ceiling.
This got me thinking about how language is used in ways which sometimes amuses me but can also irritate.
Politicians are always “going up and down the country”. This implies that the hard-worked MPs start their journey in London or somewhere in the south and travel north and then back south. An MP based in Aberdeen surely would be going “down and up the country”.
Ministers often say “That’s why”. I sometimes count how often they do so in an interview. Some problem like child poverty has been identified. When asked about it the Minister responds, “That’s why we have allocated x billion pounds over the next decade to alleviate it.” Having said the magic words “That’s why”, he is rarely challenged on whether it is enough or how it will work in practice.
Ministers have started saying, “We are rolling out hubs”. These maybe to do with health, welfare, family support etc. It is quite a nice mixed metaphor, as a hub is the middle of a wheel and it might well roll along if given a push. In the past, they might have used the word “launching”, but these days that might be associated with horrible things like missiles.
Football commentators say “early doors”, when they just mean “early”. I believe “early doors” came from theatres, when you could play extra to enter early to get a better seat. They also say of a substitute, “Jones has done well since he came on”. But he could not have done well before he came on. They also say, “England have done well on that left hand side”. England only have one left hand side. “This” and “That” don’t apply.
An interviewer has two guests, Dr Green and Prof Brown. He then says, “If I can start with you, Dr Green.” He does not need to say that: just ask the question. In the very unlikely event that Green thinks Brown should go first, he will say so.
When I phone a bank, eventually I get to speak to a human, who asks me security questions. He then announces, “You have passed security”, as if I have just passed my GCSEs. That is an internal matter for him, showing up on his screen. Just get on and ask me what I want.
At one time I had a pension fund which consisted of “wrappers” containing various investments. These were held on a “platform”. I had a letter from “Platform Officer/Wrappers”. I wondered whether this was about Mexican food on Paddington Station!

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